It’s kind of funny my last post was about one year. I inadvertently scheduled more than I could handle, as well as a continued struggle with (what I now know) is anxiety and depression. So I’ve been “off” for several months.
I got burnt out. Self doubt makes me wonder about things I make. Is it good enough? (It is!) Will people like them? (They do!) I honestly just like to make people smile. Sometimes life just really sucks, but if someone sees my stuff and laughs, it’s not so bad. Sometimes one moment of joy can turn it around. Random people laughing at my geek because they “get it” make me smile. I like when people feel included, even if it’s only in my silly jokes. (And trust me, they can get pretty silly.)
Art is a funny line of work. You want enough people to understand that you sell stuff and can pay bills, but not enough that your work becomes irrelevant or the dreaded “commercial”.
It’s also hard to convince people that yarn is an “art”. I can’t photocopy my work. Literally everything I make is by hand. Much of what I make takes a few hours, but an innumerable amount of hours analyzing and worrying about the best techniques or designs. There are both physical and mental complications. My hands hurt; my brain gets tired.
Ultimately, what I keep coming back to is: I have to do me. (You do you, boo.) I have to make what I feel like. I have to make what makes me laugh. I have to make what speaks to me. When I’ve made things “to sell”, it hasn’t gone well. When I’ve tried to make “what others want”, I am left with a clearance rack.
I’m so appreciative of those that continue to support me: through encouragement, through purchases, or even an occasional like here and there. You propel me to continue.
As I find my proper meds and a show schedule that works, I will keep knitting, crocheting, and designing. It will always be a process, and I’m starting to like that part of the journey.